Welcome to Sifted~After Dark~. Just like the Sifted you know and love, but a little less PG, a lot more foul-mouthed, and wearing a ‘going out top’ with a sensible heel. Expect XXX-rated food pics, risqué ‘So You’ guides, and so much more.
We had a feeling you’d be looking for something salty, crunchy, soft, sweet, creamy, or cold at some point tonight, and while we’d never shame you for leaving your bodega with a bag full of Doritos, Smartfood popcorn, and a Snickers ice cream bar, it’s very likely you already have the ingredients for at least one of the snacks in this very special edition of Sifted. They’re all really simple, relatively quick, and definitely delicious, though most things are when you blaze as hard as we do. Enjoy!
SO YOU’VE GOT THE MUNCHIES
Dumplings… in a Crispy Skirt!!!: My boyfriend has famously said that it’s essential to eat foods with “so many good and different bites” when you’re stoned, which, to me, means dumplings. You’ve got the slick, stretchy, chewy wrapper, a hot and fatty filling (pork & chive, forever & always, xx), and, some sort of crunchy, browned bottom. You’ll obviously get a satisfying sear from frying your dumplings in a hot, oily pan, but if you’re interested in blowing your own mind, may we suggest dressing them up in a delicate little skirt? If you aren’t familiar, sometimes a pan of dumplings are connected by a thin and lacey, ethereally crispy ‘skirt,’ made by letting your dumps steam and fry in a starchy mixture. Sweet Sohla’s version(see her perfect skirt below!) is made with rice vinegar, cornstarch and flour, and turns out an intensely crunchy and deeply flavorful crust, but this much simpler recipe requires just flour and water, meaning you’ll never have an excuse to eat a skirtless dumpling again.
And PSA: If you live in New York, you should always have a stash of Vanessa’s dumplings in your freezer—they sell them frozen and by the 50.
Extra-Crunchy Crunchwrap Supreme: We all know that TikTok tortilla, and whether you want to admit it or not, it’s fucking good. There are endless variations (we know because they were done to death on social) but personally, I think it’s peak form is when it’s imitating my favorite item from Taco Bell: the Crunchwrap Supreme. True story: one time my dad picked my best friend and I up from a Blink-182 concert at PNC Bank when we were 16, then the three of us went to Taco Bell for Crunchwrap Supremes at about 11pm on a weeknight. I’d like to think we were all stoned, but more likely my friend and I were only under the influence of Tom Delonge’s lip ring (I can’t speak for my dad here, but I hope for his sake he had a toke or two). I would like to make my own using this “recipe” (very loosely using the term here), but would add extra shredded cheese around all the edges to create a big ol’ frico, then fry the whole thing in about a half inch of oil. Never, I repeat, never, underestimate the power of ground beef and a packet of taco seasoning. Fourth meal perfection.
Chocolate-PB-Banana Ice Cream: Don’t call it a comeback. No it’s not 2012, and you can drag me all you want, but banana “ice cream” is GOOD! Fight me in the comments! When I’m stoney boloney, cold, soft foods are a godsend, and as a lactose intolerant, discovering that blended frozen bananas recreate the stretchy, creaminess of soft-serve was a game changer. I like to blend a dash of almond extract and a spoonful of my favorite peanut butter into my “ice cream” then pour it into a bowl or glass that I’ve drizzled with chocolate syrup. Then I top with rainbow sprinkles and good sundae cherries. Is it ice cream? Or course not. Is it going to wreck me the way eating my usual pint of Half Baked froyo (or more likely, eating all the dough chunks out of a pint of Half Baked froyo) would? No.
ON A SOBER NOTE
Puff, puff, pass the MORE Act! Consider reaching out to your representatives today about this bill, which both decriminalizes distribution and possession of weed and expunges past cannabis-related convictions. And as if we needed another reason to absolutely stan Ben Cohen & Jerry Greenfield, they’ve put together this submission form with the ACLU that makes emailing your reps so easy that it would be embarrassing if you didn’t. Please don’t embarrass us, sweet Sifters. You can also take action by making a donation to The Bail Project, an organization that provides immediate bail assistance and works long-term to end cash bail, a system that disproportionately affects people of color and individuals living in poverty. They’re also able to reuse returned bail for other cases, meaning even just one donation could help bring more than one person that’s been incarcerated pretrial back home.
